


some would sing and some would scream

by nonbinarywithaknife (littleboxes)



Series: me sobbing about critical role [112]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Light Hurt/Comfort, Past Violence, Sad, backstory confessions, sort of a happy ending? not really, specifically regarding being burnt alive, tonal whiplash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 14:03:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21100670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleboxes/pseuds/nonbinarywithaknife
Summary: they took me to thisriverpyre and theydrowned me in itburned me on itIn an alternate universe, Veth Brenatto was burned on a pyre rather than drowned in a lake. Caleb's backstory reveal goes very differently.





	some would sing and some would scream

**Author's Note:**

> title from arsonist's lullaby by hozier  
so @all-pacas came up with the _delicious_ au in which nott was burned to death instead of drowned. and everything sort of spiraled from there.  
this particular bunch of words inspired by this specific ask: https://all-pacas.tumblr.com/post/188460401749/the-image-of-caleb-spilling-his-backstory-and-then

“and I set it on fire.”

It’s at this point that Nott freezes. Neither of them notice, of course, she’s sneaky and stealthy and Caleb is clearly not all the way with them right now and Beau’s stoicism has mostly fallen away to horror at this point, but still. She freezes.

“...as soon as I heard my mother and father screaming inside…” he continues, and Nott can remember screaming. She remembers the rough scraping of the wood she was tied to and she remembers when her dress caught fire and she remembers the horrible, horrible feeling of the fire climbing up her body, remembers how painfully _slow_ it all was and she remembers screaming. Screaming and screaming until her throat was hoarse and burning from the smoke but she couldn’t stop because it all_ burned_ and there was _nothing else to do_.

She’s still listening to Caleb, of course, as he talks about the asylum, and then the library, and Beau is piping up more now, and Nott knows she should say something, anything, but it feels like her throat is full of smoke, now, and then Caleb reaches out and puts a hand on her arm.

He does it absentmindedly, the way he’s done several times before, and it was fine. It is fine. Nott likes it, like their easy relationship, the closeness with someone after so many horrible months with the goblins, but. But. Caleb- Caleb locked his parents in a house and lit them on fire on it’s not his fault, she _knows_ this, knows he blames himself even though his memory was wrong, but in that moment she remembers exactly what it felt like when the fire made her skin curl like paper and she flinches. Hard. She doesn’t drop her flask but Caleb notices immediately, and now they’re both staring at her, and Caleb has hurt in his eyes but also _knowing_, like he expected this, and that isn’t right at all, it isn’t his fault that Nott is- is-

Whatever he was saying to Beau is interrupted and now he’s staring at her, concerned and worried and hurt and unsurprised, and she needs to fix this. Caleb is her best friend, and he’s just told her his biggest secret and maybe, maybe, she can tell him hers. She can. He- he deserves it, at least.

She takes an enormous drag from her flask, and looks at the floor.

“It’s not you,” she says, careful to avoid his hand in a way that he won’t notice.

“It’s not- it wasn’t your fault, you were tricked, lied to. I- I know that, okay? And even if you blame yourself I don’t blame you. But, um. I sort of, I have a, a secret? That I haven’t, told you. Or, or anyone else, really. Um.”

She tugs at her sleeves, and drinks from her flask again, doesn’t make eye contact with him, or Beau, who is standing awkwardly in the corner.

“I- I wasn’t, wasn’t always. Nott. I- was born, in Felderwin. I was born a halfling girl in Felderwin and my name was Veth. Veth Brenatto. And I- I was, normal. Mostly. I- I met a boy, Yeza, was his name, and we- eventually, we got married, and we had, have? a son. Luc.”

Beau mutters something that sounds like, “_Holy shit_,” but Nott ignores it in favor of staring a hole into Caleb’s boots. She can feel his eyes on her but she can’t bring herself to look at them.

“And, and, one day, during spring, it was after- well, that winter had been pretty bad, and I guess, I guess the goblins hadn’t had enough food, because they were coming further and further into town. But. It had- it had been weeks, since the last raid, and we thought, we thought maybe it was safe.

It wasn’t.

They took us, me and Yeza and Luc, took us back to their camp and locked us away and it- it was _awful_. They were, I think, I think they were _saving_ us for something, I don’t know, but it was horrible and, and eventually, Luc, he wasn’t- he wasn’t doing well. And I knew- I knew we had to get out, or else-

So we ran. We ran and ran and, and my husband, he’s not a fighter, really, or a runner, but I- I knew if I could just distract them, we’d be okay. So I got their attention, and Yeza, he gave me a vial of acid, that he’d saved. And I split off and distracted the goblins that were chasing us and I- I even managed to kill their leader, I hit him right in the face. And then-

they didn’t like that very much. There was another goblin, his wife, I think. She was- she was _furious_. She, she brought me back to their camp and took me to this hooded woman, and she said- she said, “_make her suffer” _and- they did. They- the goblins, they built a, a pyre, in the middle of the camp. It took a whole day just for them to gather the kindling. They made it a whole spectacle, tied me up, and- and-

they burned me on it.”

Finally, Nott looks up. Caleb is still staring at her, but now his eyes are wide with horror. She shrinks in on herself further, starting to speak, “I, I know you-,”

Her words are cut off when Caleb wraps her in a hug. Neither of them notice Beau’s gruff, “I’m gonna go,” or the closing of the door. Nott clings to Caleb and lets herself cry, and Caleb clings to Nott and thinks about every spell he has that isn’t fire based.

They stay in that shitty inn room for several hours more. When Jester wonders where they are, Beau steers her away from looking for them. They come down the next morning in time for breakfast, and Beau notices they’re sitting a little closer together than they usually are. She doesn’t say anything about it.

She brings Caleb with her to the library. It’s the fuckin’ least she can do after _that_.


End file.
